Purim and Other Stuff

So Friday was Purim and I overdid it this year what with having a baby 3 weeks ago. Ezra and I made Shaloch Manos for a few friends (I didn't go insane with it this year. I scaled way back from my intentions.) We even got a Shaloch Manos from DH's Aunt Ellen. Ezra was tickled to get one. It does make me wish we lived in a more Jewish area and therefore knew more Jewish people though. I have to struggle to come up with Jewish friends and acquaintences that live within a driveable (for a 3-week old) distance. Around here it is because we can't seem to find a place that fits our needs that we can afford anywhere near an Orthodox shul. And while we aren't frum by any stretch, that is where we are most at home.

Which brings me to Purim night. Since Purim is a holiday where we can drive and is kid-friendly, we took full advantage and went to Chabad where there was much going on. They had a theme night and had singing, karate demonstrations, someone doing kanji writing (basically phonetically calligraphing the kids' names), skits, etc. Plus there were kids to play with and of course the megillah reading complete with noismaking (and the Rabbi read it faster then I've ever seen before - 17 minutes!!!) Ezra had a blast. An absolute blast. He dressed in an Israeli policeman's uniform costume that my SIL sent him from Israel which arrived about 30 minutes before we left for megillah reading. She has a photo on her blog: http://members.cox.net/jenniewoolf/

As for Boaz, he seemed to do pretty well. And of course, everyone oohed and aahed over him. He is 3 weeks old after all! Who can resist that? We're still haing nursing troubles, but the difficult part is that he is not doing well on the formula supplement, poor kid. It hurts his tummy. So we're going to try a new one today and if this one doesn't work out, we are going to explore donor breastmilk. We've had a volunteer, and I may take her up on it. In the meantime, I'm going to try some herbal things in addition to the domperidone to try to increase supply. Wish me luck.

Nursing Difficulties v. 2.0

So, for those of you who have been keeping up with our nursing struggles, today we got put on supplementation by Dr. Bob (Sears for those of you who don't know me personally). *sigh* So I picked up a Lact-Aid today and we had our first feeding with it about an hour ago. And the baby took about 2oz from the supplementer (Obviously I don’t know how much from me) and passed out cold. A nice change from the frustration he gets at the breast, especially in the evenings.

We were put on supplementation because Boaz only gained 1 oz in a week, not a good gain by anyone’s estimation. Michael is actually having a harder time with this than I am, believe it or not, probably because I have been feeling it coming and he has been extremely committed to not feeling it coming. But he isn't at the other end of the nursing pair and doesn’t feel the frustration that I feel from Boaz when he is hungry and not feeling satisfied.

Anyway, I may be in denial about this, but it mostly feels like I’m okay with it, well, as much as I can be. And the good news is – I am experienced with at-breast supplementers, so there is a significantly lower learning curve for me then there would be for someone else. Plus, I know I can do it long-term and continue on to have a good toddler nursing relationship sans supplementer. There will be bad days and emotional issues as there were with Ezra I am more than sure, but I do what I can do, right?

Our Baby is here!

And he has a name: Boaz! Of course when it was announced at his bris yesterday we didn't get a single "Wow, what a cool name!" But we did get quite a few "Boaz, huh?"

He was a big fellow - 10lbs, 8oz and 23 inches long - and we had some minor shoulder dystocia, but he was born at home after a very quick and intense labor (1 hour and 20 minutes)

Anyway, that's all for now since my computer time is WAY limited, but I wanted to update!

B'Shaah Tovah

I would like to thank YajB for saying this in the last comments. I had forgotten that in all the fuss about induction and whatnot. In good time. That's when babies come isn't it? I have been forgetting one major thing in all of this - to trust my healthy body that Hashem has given me. I've been popping herbs and having NSTs and taking castor oil all to no avail with each new thing entered into with promise and ending with nothing. And I realized, there is one major thing missing here - trust.

I am trying to get outside influences to bring my baby and what I need to do is to truly believe that my body will do what it was made to do, and that is to grow a healthy baby and then to birth it b'shaah tovah - in good time. It isn't the atmospheric pressure or the cohoshes or the castor oil that will bring this baby - it is me. It is the body that Hashem gave me that has grown this beautiful strong healthy baby inside me and will bring him forth into the world when he is good and ready and when I am as well. My mother, under the influence of OA, used to tell me that she needed to "let go and let G-d." And this is the same thing. Trust my body, trust my baby, trust in G-d who made them both.

Here's a quote from Jewishpregnancy.org:

What many women find most challenging about birth is its demand that we
relinquish control and accept that G-d is orchestrating the process. Like life,
childbirth is a lesson in accepting our limitations, and shatters the illusion
that we control the situations in which we find ourselves. It is as though G-d
insists that we learn to let go of our attachment to seeing the results we want,
when we want them, and allow Him to guide us through the process of expending
pure effort instead. Birth can then become a lens through which we view our own
lives more maturely, more honestly.

So perhaps it is a good solid combination of learning to trust and learning to give up control. Because my efforts to date are examples of both not trusting and trying to grab control over something over which I have none.