New Babies are Time-Consuming!

I know that seems like saying that the sky is blue, but I really forgot how little time I have to do things, especially if they involve typing. Plus I have a few IRL projects going on that I really need to finish up this weekend and get into the mail - late as usual.

Bobo is a busy baby, he isn't quite 4 months yet and he is starting on the path to crawling. He scootches all over the house backwards in an attempt to go forward! I keep rescuing him before he disappears under furniture. He can get across a big room in minutes. He passes toys hand to hand, has a tooth and blows raspberries like he's Archie Bunker. lol.

Ezbug is busy too. He's ready for school although kindergarten isn't ready for him yet (His birthday falls 10 days past the cutoff) and DH and I don't know what to do about it. We can't afford preschool, especially the JCC's or WSOC's, and even if we could, we have missed the enrollment period and now we would be wait-listed. *sigh* I try to be busy with Homelearners, but because of the Lact-Aid, it is hard to be out for any length of time. We did Disneyland the other day before the passes went black for the summer and nursing is SUCH a hassle out of the house. Warming the thing up, getting a good position to nurse in where I can juggle a wiggly baby, a tube to put into said baby's mouth and of course large nursies, which don't help at all. And don't forget keeping an eye on a 4 1/2 year old. It sure would be easier to have people come over to play more, but that doesn't seem to be working out well. I don't know if people just feel uncomfortable meeting at people's homes or if it is just my home, but it sure would be awesome if I could get that.

One of my best friends and I have started to drift apart because our kids, who used to be very close, no longer have much in common. Ezbug loves his friend dearly, but there is an 18 month difference in their ages and his friend is much more into computers and TV and video games, etc and we don't have the same access to thos things as his friend. We aren't completey 100% media free here in our house, but Ez watches maybe a hour of TV a week at most (and that is entirely Blue's Clues or Dora) and he is very occasionally allowed to play on the computer (paint program usually or a music game at VMK).

Baby's awake. More later. Maybe in a week or two. LOL

I haven't totally disappeared

I just keep losing posts and even entire temmplate updates when I try to publish. Either I try to post when everyone else at Blogger is or I just need to move this darn blog somewhere else. Boo!!!!!

Everyone is well. Boaz is growing like a weed. So is Ezra for that matter. We're heading over to Disneyland tonight to catch the parade and fireworks since Michael will be home earlier than usual due to E3 going on in LA. He went, he saw, he was bored. At least he didn't pay $50 for parking. Yikes! He got the last $10 spot in the Convention Center lot (literally. They closed the gates after he drove in) But they sized up the competition and saw what their publisher is doing to promote their game.

No progress on the milk supply thing yet

I didn't figure there would be. We had major supply issues with Ezra and I guess it is my lot to need to supplement. But at least there is something like a Lact-aid or SNS so I don't have to give up altogether.

In preschool news for Ezra, registration at the JCC was during the time when I was 40+ weeks pregnant and had a newborn, so of course we missed it. And now they are full up for next year. Not that we could afford it anyway. Unless the whole school voucher thing is revisited and implemented, it will be public school for Ez. Blech. Best case scenario on that front: public Waldorf charter school. Or homeschooling. Pretty much all of our friends are doing it. We are involved with a homeschooling group that has many of his friends in it so that is something. Downside? We're the token Jews. We are so distanced from the Jewish community here that I have actually given thought to moving back to Los Angeles so we can be involved with the Jewish community there. But then DH would have a hellacious daily commute (1 1/2 hours each way) and that isn't good for our marraige or our children. We had gotten involved with a lovely Modern Orthodox shul there before we moved here and would love to pick back up.

Purim and Other Stuff

So Friday was Purim and I overdid it this year what with having a baby 3 weeks ago. Ezra and I made Shaloch Manos for a few friends (I didn't go insane with it this year. I scaled way back from my intentions.) We even got a Shaloch Manos from DH's Aunt Ellen. Ezra was tickled to get one. It does make me wish we lived in a more Jewish area and therefore knew more Jewish people though. I have to struggle to come up with Jewish friends and acquaintences that live within a driveable (for a 3-week old) distance. Around here it is because we can't seem to find a place that fits our needs that we can afford anywhere near an Orthodox shul. And while we aren't frum by any stretch, that is where we are most at home.

Which brings me to Purim night. Since Purim is a holiday where we can drive and is kid-friendly, we took full advantage and went to Chabad where there was much going on. They had a theme night and had singing, karate demonstrations, someone doing kanji writing (basically phonetically calligraphing the kids' names), skits, etc. Plus there were kids to play with and of course the megillah reading complete with noismaking (and the Rabbi read it faster then I've ever seen before - 17 minutes!!!) Ezra had a blast. An absolute blast. He dressed in an Israeli policeman's uniform costume that my SIL sent him from Israel which arrived about 30 minutes before we left for megillah reading. She has a photo on her blog: http://members.cox.net/jenniewoolf/

As for Boaz, he seemed to do pretty well. And of course, everyone oohed and aahed over him. He is 3 weeks old after all! Who can resist that? We're still haing nursing troubles, but the difficult part is that he is not doing well on the formula supplement, poor kid. It hurts his tummy. So we're going to try a new one today and if this one doesn't work out, we are going to explore donor breastmilk. We've had a volunteer, and I may take her up on it. In the meantime, I'm going to try some herbal things in addition to the domperidone to try to increase supply. Wish me luck.

Nursing Difficulties v. 2.0

So, for those of you who have been keeping up with our nursing struggles, today we got put on supplementation by Dr. Bob (Sears for those of you who don't know me personally). *sigh* So I picked up a Lact-Aid today and we had our first feeding with it about an hour ago. And the baby took about 2oz from the supplementer (Obviously I don’t know how much from me) and passed out cold. A nice change from the frustration he gets at the breast, especially in the evenings.

We were put on supplementation because Boaz only gained 1 oz in a week, not a good gain by anyone’s estimation. Michael is actually having a harder time with this than I am, believe it or not, probably because I have been feeling it coming and he has been extremely committed to not feeling it coming. But he isn't at the other end of the nursing pair and doesn’t feel the frustration that I feel from Boaz when he is hungry and not feeling satisfied.

Anyway, I may be in denial about this, but it mostly feels like I’m okay with it, well, as much as I can be. And the good news is – I am experienced with at-breast supplementers, so there is a significantly lower learning curve for me then there would be for someone else. Plus, I know I can do it long-term and continue on to have a good toddler nursing relationship sans supplementer. There will be bad days and emotional issues as there were with Ezra I am more than sure, but I do what I can do, right?

Our Baby is here!

And he has a name: Boaz! Of course when it was announced at his bris yesterday we didn't get a single "Wow, what a cool name!" But we did get quite a few "Boaz, huh?"

He was a big fellow - 10lbs, 8oz and 23 inches long - and we had some minor shoulder dystocia, but he was born at home after a very quick and intense labor (1 hour and 20 minutes)

Anyway, that's all for now since my computer time is WAY limited, but I wanted to update!

B'Shaah Tovah

I would like to thank YajB for saying this in the last comments. I had forgotten that in all the fuss about induction and whatnot. In good time. That's when babies come isn't it? I have been forgetting one major thing in all of this - to trust my healthy body that Hashem has given me. I've been popping herbs and having NSTs and taking castor oil all to no avail with each new thing entered into with promise and ending with nothing. And I realized, there is one major thing missing here - trust.

I am trying to get outside influences to bring my baby and what I need to do is to truly believe that my body will do what it was made to do, and that is to grow a healthy baby and then to birth it b'shaah tovah - in good time. It isn't the atmospheric pressure or the cohoshes or the castor oil that will bring this baby - it is me. It is the body that Hashem gave me that has grown this beautiful strong healthy baby inside me and will bring him forth into the world when he is good and ready and when I am as well. My mother, under the influence of OA, used to tell me that she needed to "let go and let G-d." And this is the same thing. Trust my body, trust my baby, trust in G-d who made them both.

Here's a quote from Jewishpregnancy.org:

What many women find most challenging about birth is its demand that we
relinquish control and accept that G-d is orchestrating the process. Like life,
childbirth is a lesson in accepting our limitations, and shatters the illusion
that we control the situations in which we find ourselves. It is as though G-d
insists that we learn to let go of our attachment to seeing the results we want,
when we want them, and allow Him to guide us through the process of expending
pure effort instead. Birth can then become a lens through which we view our own
lives more maturely, more honestly.

So perhaps it is a good solid combination of learning to trust and learning to give up control. Because my efforts to date are examples of both not trusting and trying to grab control over something over which I have none.

Still Pregnant

Just thought I'd let you know since I haven't updated in awhile. There's been a touch of healthcare drama, but nothing dangerous, just more hoops to jump through. I tried a bit of acupuncture today to see if we can get this labor going. I'm already ripe and ready at 4cm and 90% effaced. My membranes are loose enough from the sides that they are unstrippable so it is strictly a waiting game at this point.

Come on baby!

Getting Closer

I can't believe that we are in the final stretch of this pregnancy. It has gone so quickly. Less than a month left till my due date (actual birth day is anyone's guess) We had an ultrasound on Friday that confirmed that I am, in fact, growing a little boy! Well, "little" is debatable! :) Ah well, big or tiny, he will be here soon enough.

We have spent this weekend preparing for this little one. We've cleaned out the car, although we ran into a little snag in getting it detailed. The wait is atrocious today. REALLY bad. Like 2 hours wait for just a regular car wash, forget about the extensive job we want done. So I may need to deal with it this week sometime.

We also bought (and assembled) the stroller, some clothes and receiving blankets, a Nursing Nest, a Medela Nursing Stool, and a few other minor sundries.

In sad news, we loaned out our CoSleeper to some friends and picked it up last night so we could assemble it here at home and it somehow got broken. One of the metal poles was quite severely bent where the latch should release. Sometimes it can be difficult to take down and I think they may have gotten overzealous in trying to get it down when they were done with it. I feel really bad for them, because they are in no position to pay for it, but then again, neither are we with the midwife expense and all. But that is $160 that needs to be spent. We got a lot of use out of that CoSleeper and expect(ed) to this time as well. I'm bummed because I already bought the extender legs to match ours and now I have the wrong color because it seems to be really difficult to get the CoSleeper in the original blue with white legs. So now I will have non-coordinating legs, which really is very minor though.

Preparations

We had our 35 week midwife appointment yesterday and all seems to be on course for our homebirth sometime after about a week and a half from now (!!!) Next week is our big appointment - the 36 week conference - where we go through all of the expectations for the birth, we go through the birth kit, the list of things that need to be on hand, etc for the birth, etc.

In preparation for that, I pulled out the scrapbook from my pregnancy with DS and went through the list we got from them. I'm sure there will be differences, but much of it will be the same. The part that made me laugh nervously to my DH is that all of it was supposed to have been completed by the 36 week mark. So this weekend on the agenda is getting the car cleaned thoroughly by a car cleaning place - the full detailing. If we are sticking another carseat in there, then it needs to be thoroughly cleaned, because I know what the seat under DS's looks like when we take it out. Can you imagine 2 carseats? Yikes! And when that is done, in goes the baby's carseat. Or at least the base from the carseat. And then it will only be our immediate family that can ride in our car. @ adults in the front, 2 carseats in the back and we are full up. Turns out I really *do* need a minivan. One of these days...

And we need other basic baby stuff too. For some reason I cannot find all of the receiving blankets from DS. And I had a TON. I gave a few to a friend, but I thought I had kept some. I guess not. So I need to shop for baby hats and receiving blankets.

And last, but not least, I am having a blessingway, or a Mama blessing. I was sure that since it hadn't come up by now, that it wouldn't, but sure enough, I got a call yesterday from my best friend and she is planning something. I'm pretty excited. So now the baby is on notice to wait until after the 12th of February. At least from BF! :)

Off to make breakfast!!

Some time alone

Don't worry, I'm not getting used to it. It may be my last time alone for YEARS. Actually it is very nice. DH, poor guy, has been working himself crazy finishing up some contract work so that we can pay off this homebirth and buy the baby things, etc. He's been putting in long days at the office and then longer nights at home, sometimes not getting to bed till after 3 in the morning. And I'm closing in on the end of this pregnancy, which is getting harder on me physically. I'm exhausted and the relaxin is wreaking havoc on my ankle, which had some ligament problems last year that resolved, but were reawakened by the hormone surge preparing my body for childbirth. IcyHot patches are my very best friend nowadays.

Anyway, those physical changes and stressors are par for the course and I mostly just live with them, but it is really slowing me down with my poor 4yo DS. I can't do as much, we don't go as many places, I can't walk very far and there is no way I can pick him up anymore. And he needs a touch more physical play than I am able to give him right now. And with DH being effectively out of the picture for a few weeks, including weekends, DS has been going nuts. But today Daddy is back and they are off in a mad celebration of that today with a huge day at the park bike riding and boat riding and swinging and climbing and all manner of things Mommy can't do much of anymore. And tomorrow is a Disneyland day. And if I even go, basically I will sit on my butt a lot because of this ankle. DS is very much in his element.

A good example of how quickly I peter out nowadays is yesterday. DH invited some friends over for Shabbat dinner. Not ever a big deal in the past. So DS and I went out to the Farmer's Market in the morning for asparagus and strawberries (one of the big positives of living in Southern CA, BTW), stopped at Trader Joe's for a few things and then on to Costco for 2 folding chairs we have needed to buy for awhile now. After that, I needed to rest for about an hour because I was EXHAUSTED. And then back to the kitchen for challah baking, food prep and cooking, cleaning up the dishes, etc. I worked for about 3 hours total. And when I was done (and DH was home) I was so exhausted and drained that I had to lay on the sofa for awhile and not do anything. We even did all the non-table specific Friday night stuff in the living room to give me more rest time. And many hours later (10pm) I brought DS up to bed and then lay on the bed upstairs to try to recover from my day of body abuse. It hurt to even make my way to the bathroom. Pathetic really. But after a good night's sleep, I woke up only midly aching from my workout yesterday and after an afternoon of doing nothing, I feel loads better.

Oh wait, I didn't do nothing! I get to mark one more thing off my to-do list - I finally ordered those darn cosleeper extender legs! :)

So how much have I gotten done?

I bought Biokleen and washed the baby clothes I have on hand.
I bought 2 dozen infant sized prefolds (I have a dozen here already.)

Other than that? Nothing. I looked at dressers and DH was horrified that they cost $200 (and these were Simmons changing table dressers on clearance!) Apparently he has been out of the furniture shopping loop for WAY too long. Of course he has strange notions of what things cost. I'll never forget years ago when I sent him to pick up the drycleaning and he was horrified that is cost about $20 for a suit, several dresses and a couple shirts. He was figuring on about $5.

And in baby news, apparently my midwife, who prides herself on rarely having been off in 18 years of midwifery, estimates our baby to be at about 8lbs right now based on butt size. In case you aren't keeping track, I am 34 1/2 weeks pregnant. In the last month, a baby generally gains 1/2-1lb per week. Is it possible for me to subsist on nothing but water and Rolaids Soft Chews (a girl's got to do something about heartburn!) for the next however many weeks and keep the weight gain in the new one down? Yikes. DS was 9lbs8oz and presented with both hands next to his (large) head, so I'm not afraid of a big baby, but I sure don't relish the idea of delivering a 12lb one. I'll have to skip all the newborn stuff!

In positive news on that front, DSIL has agreed to come when the baby is born for a few days to help out with DS. She will leave upon news that we are in labor and probably arrive after the actual birth, given that she lives in Atlanta and we live in Southern CA. But it will be nice having her around. Of all of his family, I know that she will be the best one to have around for this sort of thing. Hopefully mid-February. Maybe 38 weeks? Ack! Am I really that close? I only have 2 1/2 weeks until we are cleared for our homebirth. :gulp:

So I had this huge long post...

And Blogger ate it. They ended up going down during the time I had typed it, but I didn't know and submitted it to publish and lost the whole darn thing. Bummer. And it was a non-whining post too! So I'll try to recreate it as best I can. Well, sort of since I can only remmeber parts of it. 1st part:

Getting ready for the baby

I have a boatload of stuff to do and I am torn about how much I should do since I am a touch on the superstitious side thanks to being Jewish I guess. I don't want to bring too much into the house, but on the other hand, there are things we need ahead of time, especially since we are having this baby at home. Earlier this week I finally bought the carseat which is now in our dining room awaiting installation somewhere around 36 weeks. But there is much still to do, including:

• Buying both cloth diapers and wool to knit covers. Oh, and of course, knit those covers. Yikes.
• Buying the Sit N Stand stroller. We are actually going to do this a touch earlier then we really need to for the baby because we need a stroller to bring to Disney with DS and we may as well buy one that will be useful for awhile.
• Order domperidone from New Zealand (long story but suffice it to say, it would be nice to have on hand if I need it)
• Buy a sling.
• Buy a diaper bag. This is more important than you realize because I do not own a purse and haven't in years. First I used the diaper bag backpack from Lands End with DS and then when he was old enough to not need it anymore, I just tossed my keys and wallet in my pocket. I would do that now, but maternity clothes are notoriously devoid of pockets.
• Get in an array of herbal stuff for both baby and mommy, including wipes solution, sitz bath herbs, etc etc.
• Pick up cosleeper from friend who borrowed it and buy the extender legs for it since our bed is taller than the one we had with DS.
• Buy Bi-O-Kleen and do some baby laundry.
• Buy dresser/changing table so we have somewhere to put aforementioned diapers and newly laundered clothes. If we manage to buy this, it will be the only dresser we have in the house. Sad, huh? :) We used to have this awesome built-in in our dressing closet in LA and when we moved we no longer had a place to put it, but in our last apartment, we had a closet full of shelving that really made a dresser unnecessary. This place? We really do need a dresser although the closet is okay with shelving. But not if we have to add another person's clothes to it.

More later I suppose. Some company just dropped by and I should be sociable.

Taking a moment to vent

I LOATHE Kaiser (my HMO) Each time I call to speak to my midwife I have to go through their obnoxious phone menu system and they send her office a message on the computer saying that someone is trying to reach them. Then I get a call back either from her nurse or from the general advice nurse. Usually, even though I would like to talk to my midwife, I just suck up and talk to whomever calls me back, but this time I actually need to speak with my midwife about a possible homebirth midwife who she used to work with and also to see if I can get a copy of my medical records to share with said possible new midwife without jumping through all the hoops and possibly causing concerns about continuing my care. (I intend to do co-care through my HMO to avoid transfer difficulties should that need arise.)

So I tell the person who called me back that I really just need to actually speak to my midwife this time because we need to talk about some things that came up in one of my appointments (She told me at the appt where she said she couldn't be at a homebirth for us that she would be glad to give us any feedback she could on midwives and to ease any transition to one) So thisnurse, even though I was trying to be firm but polite hung up on me after snottily telling me that I would just have to wait until my midwife got in tomorrow. I mean come on.

I can't talk to my provider herself without jumping through major hoops (even though midwives are *supposed* to be more accessible), my appointments are a travesty time-wise, especially after what my appointments with my homebirth midwife last time, and I am 31 1/2 weeks pregnant and not only am I not being seen every 2 weeks now, my appointments are generally 5 weeks apart, and I won't be seen again until I am 33 1/2 weeks pregnant (from 28 weeks) Is this stupid to anyone else or am I being overly sensitive? This is all part of the reason that I have stopped being able to compartmentalize my feelings about facing a hospital birth as the "pragmatic" decision. How many babies am I going to have anyway? With as difficult as it was to get pregnant with this one, I might not ever have another baby. And don't I and this baby deserve a peaceful birth? And with all the stess and crap surrounding just trying to speak to my provider, why in the world should I believe that the birth will be anything but a big pain in the butt and a fight from start to check-out?

Plus, about that homebirth, Unless I am able to find someone who will be willing to negotiate and work with us, (I have an appt on Friday with someone who *might* be willing since we are so far along) We cannot find the money to have a homebirth midwife. Just typing that sentence makes me cry. Around here, the midwives run about $3400-$4000 for a homebirth. To have the baby at our HMO would cost us $200 at most, probably way less, because that is based on their $100/day policy and we would check ourselves out ASAP. The cost with DS ended up being miserable because DH lost his job right before my 3rd trimester started and it took him 9 months to find another job, which led to it taking 2 years to pay off DS's birth.

And yet, the thought of having this baby in a hospital makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I don't care if our midwife has said that she will be on call for us. I don't care that we can check ourselves out of the hospital after 6 hours. I want to have my baby at home with my husband in the quiet and peace of our space. I avoid any thinking about the actual birth. I haven't even gone to see the labor and delivery area of the hospital because I am avoiding the inevitable, perhaps with the (obviously mistaken) notion that by avoiding it, it will never come to pass. Also, I'm pretty sure I will burst into tears during the tour in a fairly embarrassing way. Heck, I burst into tears at everything these days, so why not at something actually emotionally charged?

And as a side freak-out, the friend I thought would be able to help out with DS when I was birthing is going through a major emotional crisis, and while I am not upset with her or anything, (and actually I really feel for her. As burnt out as she is, I can hardly believe she has held up this long) I have no freaking idea where DS will go during the birth whether we have the baby at home or not (He has asked to not be here for it.) I hate being 2000 miles away from family. Any family.

A few pictures, since I haven't posted any in ages:

From that Waldorf Faire I mentioned a few weeks back. Don't you love his acorn necklace? :) :



And from DS's 4th birthday at Goofy's kitchen.



and



More later because I want to talk about my homebirth, or maybe lack thereof, and a kind of babysitter bummer that I wouldn't mind feedback on.

Random Ramblings

So I still haven't told anyone about this blog. The only people who come here are those who either find it from one of the 3 people who have it on their blogroll or are one of those 3 people or my SIL (who comes here every few months or so.) I don't know why. On one hand, I like not having to answer to people IRL about what I post here so that I can vent about stuff like DH or family or whatever. OTOH, it might be nice to have people to talk to instead of just cyberspace.

Second, this blog is increasingly inaptly named. My knitting is nonexistant nowadays with this pregnancy carpal tunnel. And that blows because I really want to get some diaper covers and longies knitted and it just isn't happening. But, then again, my whole homekeeping has suffered this pregnancy. I am having a hard time even keeping up with cooking and cleaning and laundry, nevermind sewing, mending, knitting, baking, crafts, etc. I guess it is getting me ready for the utter lack of time I will have with a newborn, but I kind of feel cheated especially because I know that my free time will take a major fall when the baby comes.

Third: DS and school. Now this is a subject that I am struggling over. We are involved in a homeschool group. We were actually involved in another one a while back, but there are some bullying issues there and I don't intend on exposing my DS to bullying when I can avoid it, IYKWIM. So this new group spun off of the playgroup we have been involved with since DS was just 6 months old (He turned 4 last week) Many of the families have been DS's playmates for years and it tends toward the younger end of the spectrum rather than the preschool to high school groups around elsewhere, mostly because we have spun off of our playgroup and we are reaching this age together.

Anyway, I am frustrated with this group because one of the big problems people often bring up about homeschooling is socialization. Which, BTW, is inaccurate. What they really mean is having consistant social outlets with the same general group of people. Anyway, I tend to agree that this is a concern with homeschooling so my goal then is to attempt to find a consistant group of people with whom we interact on a very regular basis. This group can't seem to manage even a weekly park day. At best we have a biweekly park day, but those are sporadically attended. Sometimes there are tons of kids, sometimes 2. They have also instituted what they call Young Explorer Days on a weekly basis. Problem with this? Tons of driving. Sometimes hours of it. They want to explore some local places, some not local places and even include hiking. Well, hiking is out for us because DS will poop out after the 1st mile and want to be carried. And I am 7 months pregnant and not carrying a 50+lb child for another few miles. And yes, the hikes tend toward the 2+ mile length there and then again back. Some 3-5 year olds can do this, but certainly not even the majority. I won't even get into the fact that we live in (and they are hiking through) mountain lion country and there have been attacks and deaths, although not tons of them.

So to recap, the only regular weekly get together isn't very consistant given that the place varies every week, sometimes by a hundred miles, or includes activities that are just not appropriate for the general age range of the group. (general age range being 3-6 years old, with many younger siblings from newborn to 2) Now how good is this for social interaction and community building? It isn't. Which encourages me to not homeschool. But then my friends who have children in the school system tell me about what goes on there which strongly encourages me to homeschool. And I'm not even talking about their horror stories! Plus, I have a year and a half before DS even qualifies for kindergarten because of where his birthday falls and preschool is WAAAAAAAY out of our budget even if it were something we were interested in. So we are looking at homeschooling at the very least until he qualifies age-wise for kindergarten. *sigh*

This is a cool DH story

For years as a child I asked for the Crayola Color Caddy. Wanted it with all my heart and every year I got a different Crayola kit, because my parents apparently had no idea what I was talking about. So this has come up over the years with DH here and there, mostly as a humorous aside, because I harbor no distress over this, but I always thought it was funny that my parents, well meaning though they were, couldn't manage this fairly simple gift.

Fast forward to this year. DH has been trying, fruitlessly, to get me this Caddy for Hanukkah this year. They no longer make it in the US and haven't in years. So he has been hunting literally all over the world. He contacted Crayola customer service, who put him in touch with their UK division, who told him that they no longer make it either and the only place in the world that carries anything similar is Australia. So he contacted them and thought that this was a gift idea that was going to die because of seriously prohibitive shipping fees ($65 to get the thing here). And lo and behold, Crayola Australia is sending him one gratis. Just because it was such a sweet story and they wanted to help out.

So this year I am finally getting a Crayola Caddy. Of course I don't know what I will do with it... :)

In other news, I went to the party and had a crummy time. I was bored and seasick (which kept me from being hungry I guess :) ) But DH enjoyed himself and seems to believe that we both had a grand time, so I'm happy to let him believe that. It is over and I have about 3 years before I have to go to another one! :) Oh, and just FWIW, DH got home at just past 7:30pm that night, in case you were wondering.

Sucky Mom of the Week goes to...

Me. Yeah me. This pregnancy is kicking my butt nowadays. I'm tired, I'm cranky and I am seriously tired of fighting with my almost 4yo about everything. And when I am at my tiredest (early evening and facing dinner with a dread previously unknown to me) he is at his wildest and most aggravating. And DH has all of a sudden hit a point where it is impossible for him to get home at a reasonable hour. He just can't get his butt out the door when he says he will. For example, this week is Hanukkah, starting tonight. I told him that if he wanted to spend it with his son, he needed to get in earlier so he could leave earlier. Well, he got in earlier. And guess what? He isn't getting home any earlier. If he is here by 7:00 tonight I will probably pass out cold (and this after he told me he was shooting for 6:30) He also said that he would put in some extra hours yesterday so that he could free up a little time to be able to make leaving early a possibility. He worked until 11:30pm.

And I have to go to his work holiday party on Thursday. I DO NOT want to go to this. I am exhausted by 7pm and this thing doesn't even start until 7:30. It is on a boat on the ocean. I am slightly ocean-phobic, especially on boats. I have nothing to wear. Literally nothing because plus sized women apparently are not allowed to get pregnant. And if we do, we can order about 12 things, including 1 dress, via online. I did not order said dress, because I really don't need a black velvet floor length maternity dress that I will wear once. Does business casual mean jean skirts? I sure hope so. Oh, and it is a dinner cruise where you have to submit your dietary preference (i.e. vegetarian) at reservation time. Guess what they never even asked about. Bingo. So I won't have anything to eat either. So I'm going to be hungry, seasick, underdressed, and experiencing anxiety attacks about the ocean for the whole 2 1/2-3 hours I'll be on that thing. Matter of fact, I'm having a minor anxiety attack just thinking about it.

Getting Better

Well, DH eventually semi-apologized. (meaning that he still doesn't think he did anything wrong, but he acknowledges that I think so and was hurt by it and so apologized for being the source of my hurt. And also for calling my feelings about it BS.) And then he did better at Disneyland yesterday. OK, not perfect, because DS and I spent a lot of time on our own, but I was more okay with it for some reason. Probably because, being pregnant, there are few things I can go on anyway, and also because I can go pretty much whenever I want to rather than it being a once a year sort of deal.

But this problem rears its head occasionally because DH has a tendency to put his family ahead of our family, although I don't think he does it on purpose at all. He just gets this "I'm with these people all the time" thing going in his head that he doesn't realize that he often puts us on hold for them, even when his family of origin isn't here (meaning he talks to them on the phone for hours at a time each week while we wait around for him to be done.)

Anyway, the air is much more clear around here, at least for now.

Hormonal Psycho Pregnant Mama Alert

Be on the lookout, she is touchy, she is testy, and she will cry or lash out at the drop of a hat.

Now, granted, my husband was a total ass yesterday and refuses to apologize or even acknowledge that he did anything wrong, so I am extra bitchy as a result. And my SIL is here and can't keep her nose out of our marriage. She has to make some comment or suggestion or go behind one or the other of our backs to "tell on" the other of us because of some slight that she perceived. And I have one more week of her here. And DH sees no concern with this and makes me whisper these complaints about her in my own bedroom, with the door shut with her asleep down the hall in case she might hear.

Now, about my total ass husband: we went to a Waldorf Faire yesterday. We got there and he proceeded to either ignore us (DS and I) while we were around him or just take off for an hour at a time with his sister and leave me with DS. As a result, I wasn't able to get food, go to the bathroom, had to carry my 55lb injured and bleeding son around (Did I mention I am 26 weeks pregnant? No?) And when he did show up, he ignored us. He shows up, sometime after DS fell and hurt himself (about 30-45 minutes) and I am hurting from the exertion of carrying him, so DH says to rest, he'll watch him. Well, he got to talking again and proceeded to ignore DS again to the point where I had to keep getting up to help DS. When he finally decides we should head back to the food, lo and behold there isn't anything but chicken in a pita left. So he got a nice sandwich and I got diddly squat, so I took DS to the tea party area where we got tepid (because of the little ones) tea and some mini chocolate chip cookies. DH doesn't show up again for ages. I am finally able to get him on the cell phone (because of the location of the faire, antenna availability was sporadic at best) he is off with his sister again making friendship bracelets. I told him we were at the tea party and DS was getting antsy and needed to get going. So they got there and sat down to work on their bracelets more and of course DS wasn't going to sit any longer, so I told DH that we were on our way to go use the last tickets we had since the faire was ending soon and DS couldn't sit anymore. So once again, I was on my own.

And then on the ride home, he proceeded to tell me about all the cool things that he and SIL had seen that I had not gotten a chance to see because I was on solitary mommy duty all day. I about burst into tears, but held myself because I wanted to actually talk about this alone with him.

Fast forward home. DH spends the entire night downstairs watching movies with SIL while I spend an hour+ getting DS to sleep and then crash in my own room because sitting up on the sofa is too much at this point in my day. Then this morning bright and early, DH wakes up and decides that now would be a good time to get friendly. Well, needless to say, I was in no mood at all and took the opportunity of alone time and him actually being there to tell him all of this and he told me that it was all my fault. He still has not apologized nor does he intend to and then he wonders why I am angry and bitchy today.